It’s been a decade since I came to know that something was living inside me. Since then I have got married, have two wonderful kids and in my 4th job. That something is still there though. Now it is part of my system and we live together in bonhomie and without troubling each other. Earlier I wished and would pray that it would go away but now I don’t give it any undue importance. I have my daily medicine and slowly but surely I am reducing it’s strength so that I can eliminate it one fine day.
But, I don’t know that when that day comes, it would be a moment of happiness or a moment of reflection. I was diagnosed with Chronic Hepatitis B Virus (HBV) in February 2004 during the pre-joining medical test. It was a shocker. I was on the verge of a new job in the financial services domain (lucrative domain in those days) and had started dreaming of joining let’s-make-good-money bandwagon, when this happened. The most irritating part about this entire episode was not knowing what caused me Chronic HBV. It is eerily similar to what causes HIV i.e. transfer of virus through blood contact. So, did I have natural or unnatural sex – No! Did I donate or receive blood or was pricked by an infected needle – Okay, I did donate blood once during college. Was my mother infected – No! As a matter of fact, till date I don’t know what caused this and over the years I have learnt to put the enigma related to my dear little virus to rest. A plausible reason as I read somewhere – Nearly 25% infected people really don’t know as there are no symptoms and in Asians the possibility of contracting during child birth is very high.
But, the fight was on. Initial days were spent in cursing the Almighty and I started becoming a believer from an agnostic person that I was. I even started chanting, the Buddhism style, inspired by my fiancée one year on. Professionally, lost the very same job which revealed this important aspect of my life in the next 7 months. Not that I was laid off but I needed some time to reflect on life. Joined a proprietor after a couple of months and even this was a short duration stint – only 5 months. Maybe it was the lowest phase of my life, I was not finding any direction in corporate world, the pill which I used to take every day reminded me of an unpleasant truth, personal life was in a bit of crisis as marriage faced lot of obstacles.
Koshish karne walon ki haar nahi hoti (Those who try, eventually win) .. I had read this poem during school days and it seemed true than ever before. The realisation dawned that I was not the only person with issues and worries, in fact, I was better off than millions in the world. Most importantly, it was just another phase in life. Life goes on like a line full of twists and turns and ends with a full stop. So, why get worried about the full stop and stop enjoying the twists and turns. Thanks to the virus, I laid down certain life objectives, certain dreams for the first time in life. I dream to be a script writer of movies, serials, content based initiatives. I dream to win the best script writer award within the next 10 years and start my own consultancy @ the age of 45.
The virus gave birth to my dreams, it in fact gave me a new lease of life. Yes, I do realise that it threatens to overshadow my dreams if it goes out of control, but then to hope is to be human. There are still times at home and at work when I am really low. But, when your dreams are so high, where is the time to be low? Cheers!!